The Quiet Girl

I was once the quiet girl. It wasn't that I was shy. (Actually it started out that way, but turned into my nature.) I still am quiet. I've been told by my co-workers that I am too quiet. In fact, one of my co-workers last week thought I was scared of her because I wouldn't talk. I chuckled and quickly apologized and reassured her that wasn't the case. I explained to her that I was just a quiet person.
 I thought about my ward and roommates. They would probably say that I was one of the loudest in the ward! (Which just goes to show that I do have a voice and it is well used.) What they don't know is that it takes a lot of guts to be outspoken. I guess you could say that I am two-faced.
In public settings, I tend to be more quiet and observant. I have been the wallflower before. I still am, depending on where I am and if I feel uncomfortable. I always find myself fading into the background during events. I don't like attention. (Even though I sometimes draw the attention to myself unintentionally.)I am a listener. I am an observer. Not a talker.

 I have never been good at "ice breakers" or even coming up with them. They rarely go smoothly. Usually it turns into one awkward moment. I'm a pro at creating awkward moments. Not on purpose of course. Especially when I haven't talked to some before, those are always the worst. I need to stop asking people what their life story is. That's my winner fail ice breaker. Actually it's probably more awkward for them. But to me, I love learning about people, so it's a winner. I love listening to people talk about their lives in a non-cocky-annoying way. To me it's fascinating! I love asking questions, just not answering them when they ask them back to me.
When I was younger, I was constantly told to speak up. I wasn't just quiet. I had a quiet voice. That's changed. I don't think I have a quiet voice anymore. I speak softer though. Does that count?

Recently I started beating myself up inside, wishing that I could somehow not be quiet ALL the time. I felt worthless as I was thinking about my quiet nature. I sat down at my desk, trying to get rid of the terrible feeling inside. I began to pray for strength. I paused for moment and a thought came to mind to read my patriarchal blessing. As I was reading, it mentioned that I was given quiet attributes. I stopped after reading that section. I felt immediate comfort. Those feelings melted away as I was sweetly reminded that the Lord recognized my quiet nature. Tears filled my eyes as I smiled from ear to ear. It's okay that I am quiet girl. Quiet attributes were given to me by my Heavenly Father. Those attributes are a part of me!