I've had quite a bit of time to do a lot of thinking. I've been on my own the last few days, which has left me a lot of time to re-evaluate my life. I've learned five things this week:
- I am human.
- Humans are stupid.
- Satan is real.
- The atonement of Jesus Christ gives me hope.
- God is real and He loves me.
I've made a lot of really stupid mistakes in my life. None of which I am proud of. I started feeling guilty as I reflected on those stupid things that I've done. Godly sorrow cuts deep. As I've been reflecting this, I realized that Satan is real. He is doing everything he possibly can to keep me from moving forward. He delights in making me feel miserable.
There's a line in my patriarchal blessing that says Satan will try to send temptations my way, because he knows of all the blessings that are in store for me. Can I just say that he is good at what he does? He's a freakin' expert! He knows how to get me. I've let him win. I was feeling really down on myself on Tuesday. Then I had a small, brief moment:
"I was feeling so sad and guilty. I was pleading for comfort and forgiveness. Then I remembered something. It was like the Lord flipped on the light switch. My senior year of high school, I had a dream that I was a tour guide in Jerusalem to an EFY youth group. One young man raised his hand and asked me why Jesus Christ died for all of us. I was overwhelmed with the Spirit and tears began to fall. I gently, but firmly replied, "Because he loves us." I woke up from that dream and quickly wrote about it in my journal. The spirit was so strong then. I felt that spirit again, tonight. The atonement cleanses us from sin. All I have to do is use it." [May 2014 Journal Entry]
The atonement is a cleansing and healing power. Because of Him, I can be cleansed and healed from my mistakes. Because of Him, I can be a better Marlisa. Because of Him, I can be forgiven for my shortcomings. He made it possible for me to be clean and pure! He died for me, because he loves me. I will never fully comprehend that. It's Because of Him.
His atonement offers so much! It not only cleanses and heals us, but it refines us. We can be made whole and be a better person. His atonement brings peace and comfort. There's so much hope for a better life. It's refreshing and invigorating! Because of Him, I can return to live with God again. That alone is my deepest and greatest desire.
God is real. I could never deny that. I have come to know that for myself. He knows me. He knows my heart. He never doubts me, because He knows who I am. He wants me; all of me. He knows my flaws, but he knows my potential. He is my friend, but more importantly, He is my father! He is becoming my number one priority. He trusts me 110% and is forgiving of my shortcomings. He loves me.
"Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side.
With patience bear, thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide.
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still my soul, thy best, thy Heavenly Friend
Thru thorny ways, leads to a joyful end."